Through up and down, crisis after crisis, worries, fear. Every day is a question of ‘to be or not to be’. The thinking of not doing enough, or doing too much. The wonder whether I do it right, or not quite, even not at all.

Every step of the way, I am watching her. Every day after the surgery, last day before two weeks long holiday. The painful wait for the clinic to reopen, and breaking my finger as I keep it crossed 24/7.
One step after another, first two, then ten, after which, fifteen. Just like the town slowly comes back to life. Totti embraces her new life in her new home.

She is still waiting: waiting for the gate to be opened, waiting for the heart to be opened, waiting for the love to be opened.

Waiting for the gate to be opened when I got home from work. Waiting for the heart to be opened when I spread my arms as I peek from the window. Waiting for the love to be opened as she runs to my lap, squeezing her head everywhere.

It has to be her smell all over me, it has to be her fur everywhere.

“But Totti”, I said, holding her up at her armpits, “It’s not me. It’s the universe. Friends near and far lending their hands. Families away behind closed doors, in churches, by candles; kneeling, knitting their fingers, their head down, sending prayers”.

Only Saints has the arms of God fighting for them. But the whole world is fighting your war.

Totti would wiggle. Escape from my grasp, running away, sitting by her bowl, waiting. Waiting for the gate of the kitchen counter to be opened, waiting for the hearty meal to be opened.
By then she no longer waited for love to be opened.

That love has been out poured and by sheer force it had broken open the way for her second life that waited to happen.

Thank you for making that life happen.

~ Josie

Published by

Josie And The Whiskers' Syndicate

The first and only cat refuge in Bandung (West Java - Indonesia) a capital breeder of a nation without animal welfare law. We care for Bandung's unwanted animals, operate a TNR as much as our budget allows, and continue to educate people about compassion to animals

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