Time after time, there will be love that won’t touch the heart on first sight, but once it struck, it’s forever.

Time after time, there will be love that won’t strike like lightning and sweep me off my feet, but grows in silence and rooted deep within.

Time after time, there will be someone special that will give you that sense. Sense of accomplishment, sense of belonging, sense of achievement.

And then, time after time, just when I was about to take a deep breath and sigh in relief, she is gone.

Time after time, there will be a little presence like Big Sister, who has the weirdest name of any I ever gave to the mobsters of The Whiskers’ Syndicate. She is tiny, she is soft and gentle, but if she ever saw me cradle other kitten, she’d be burning with envy.

She’d slap and bite, she’d glare and hiss. She’d be mad for days, though at night, when it’s just me and those pile of dried out laundry, or my laptop, or my cellphone, she will be the sweetest little princess who silently, lightly jumped onto my lap. Unlike other cats who proceed to demand attention and hog all of them, eventually, Big Sister will just look at me, curl up, and sleep.

Time after time, the bond between us seems so real. As if she is the real sister I have never have.

Time after time, however, my plan is not His plan, and my wishes are not His command.

It’s been months since she first tripped, and never recovered. Her muscles continue to weaken, and she plays less and less.

Time after time she will just sit there, waiting for me to go home from my long, often arduous day.

Time after time she can’t even lift her head.

Time after time, she is not even there; she is just breathing, and just that.

Time after time, I will look back and remember, for an eight weeks old kitten, dying by the curb, alone and neglected, Big Sister had gone such a long way. She fought such a big fight, she runs an amazing race.

Time after time, though overwhelmed with pain and sorrow, pride is victorious.

Time after time, just like today, I will be walking through that little empty road, leading to the hilltop, surrounded by greeneries.

Dragonflies, crickets, grasshopper. The blue sky and the wind that travels through the world.

It was others before, it is Big Sister today.

I had made the call she would want me to make, when she no longer responded to the world; when her soul broke free but her body cannot. When everything just stop, only her heart keeps beating.

Time after time, I would cry, in silence, as I walk down the hill, alone, but not today.

With my backpack on my shoulder I remembered each and every one of our moments, her amazing recovery, her short days with us, the long days that will come after she is gone.

Time after time, her lessons will linger. To love fully, to be possessive of what we all have been dreaming or work hard for. To live fully, nothing to regret for.

Because long or short, time after time, love will still be the same. Love will be forever, and so is life that is chasing it.

~ Josie


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Josie And The Whiskers' Syndicate

The first and only cat refuge in Bandung (West Java - Indonesia) a capital breeder of a nation without animal welfare law. We care for Bandung's unwanted animals, operate a TNR as much as our budget allows, and continue to educate people about compassion to animals

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