For Eden In the Corner (The Beginning) go here: https://www.facebook.com/wearethewhiskerssyndicate/posts/473514716179602
I found it unusual that all of a sudden, Nevaeh (read his name from right to left) would want to go into the house. He was not sick, just a bit thin. He is not old, he was just seven.
He is like a kitten again; follow me everywhere, though unfortunately, he earned more scorn than praise. I was busy with sick kittens, and after a week, there was Tiger, and then there was the black kitten whose legs got torn off. A few days after it was what was left from the panleukopenia outbreak that obliterated whatever life we have been trying to build for the new comers of the Whiskers’ Syndicate.
Still he waits. He stays in the house and he keeps trying to get my attention. I brought him to the vet to see if something went wrong, because I don’t want any virus or bacteria steal one of my cats again when I was looking the other way. I don’t feel like playing Trojan war at the moment.
When the dust of the outbreak start to settle, he asked to go out. Something Nevaeh never do, for the rest of his life, ever. Since the first day I found him buried when a landfill pile crumbled, to the end of his seven years last February, he never want to go out of the house, unlike his brother Eden.
Every day, when I go out to ship my orders, he would follow me, whether I approve or not. He stays in the front yard. When I come home, he will be there. When I go out again at night for strays and colonies, he will be out again. I will find him in the front porch at dawn.
Since he stay safe, I don’t fuss about him as much as I fussed about Spots,who always got sick after he plays outside the whole night, or Cali, who zoomed the road like rats and startle vehicles and jeopardize his being. There were instances of senior moments, when he got lost and I show his photo to everyone around the hill (my next door neighbor’s daughter found him and bring him home), or when he go the other way and forgot his way home again until Hanshin go fetch him and lead him home; but after those, he learned his lesson and never stay far. If anything, he follows Sierra or Tabby.
I do notice that he is slower, that he is thinner, that his eyes are dimmer. I do notice that he got old earlier than his peer. I do try to ease his transition, though I cannot stop the passage of time, nor can I change his past.
I do notice that he likes to lay down on the porch looking at the mountain in the horizon.
At dawn, three days ago, I sat by him, as the horizon slowly brought to light. The sun rises behind us, so we can’t see how it goes, but it’s still calming to see that black bulk of a mountain slowly turned gray, and then blue, and then green.
“It’s been so long”. I didn’t know what is the best way to start. “Yet it’s still feel like yesterday”
He looks at me briefly and looked back to the mountain.
The class I took told me that animals does not always want to speak to us, if the time is not right, so it’s OK that Nevaeh didn’t answer.
“And even after all this time, you have never forgotten”
Nevaeh sighs, though not with a heavy heart.
I don’t know how long we just stayed there in silence.
“Eden is just in the corner” I finally heard him.
It is. In many ways it is. For Nevaeh, Eden has always been in the corner. Hiding behind the next door, or behind the next turn. Eden have always been in the corner, where I would peek and find his brilliant, round eyes, and a cheerful, little meow.
Eden has always been in the corner, as we weave days and nights in our lives after his departure, giving meaning to each that we pass, as we wait for our own life to take that turn that will see us together again.
Eden has always been in the corner, because it’s up to us, and only us can decide, whether we will find that Eden, or turn the other way and live in hell.
“Eden has always been in my heart, Nevaeh, as he has always been in yours”
“Yet he is so far. I cannot see him, I cannot play with him. I cannot find him cracking the kibbles and much it like we mock an old man, just the way it was when he was still here. I cannot feel him curl by my side at night. I can only feel the wind”
I truly understand. I lost someone dear to my heart and I felt more or less the same, with my own twists.
And when we lost someone dear to our heart, we will spend our life waiting; somehow. Waiting to be reunited, waiting for the day when everything is restored the way we love it, waiting for the time to stop and only us revolving; or waiting for our time to stop though the rest of the universe revolving.
“You have been marvelous. I have always been amused by the numerous tricks you perform to get us what we need. Sometimes it’s obvious, though others missed it, but once in a while I was really surprised at the originality of your thinking”
I thought I would laugh. “I don’t have much, but I want to give many”
“We are all greedy. That’s why we try harder to get more”
I wouldn’t exactly word it that way, but Nevaeh is a cat and I am a human. We use languages and words differently.
“It’s been great and I don’t mind staying, but I missed my brother as much”
For that, I have my own opinion, but it’s not my right to meddle. It’s between him and Eden.
I run my fingers down from between his ears to the nape of his tail. With this skin, I can feel his spine, I can feel his bone. I can feel the coarse hair of an old man.
With this heart, I can feel his love, I can feel his life fulfilled, the life is security, prosperity, health, abundance. The life he lives for himself and for his brother.
Yesterday, Nevaeh didn’t come home, though I can feel him near.
This morning at dawn, I found him laying on the front porch looking at the mountain. It’s just that his eyes were closed, and his body was cold.
I sat by his side, and watch the mountain as the sun rise behind me, behind the house. I watched the black, bulky mountain turned grey, and then blue, and then green.
I can hear two cats playing. I can see two kittens running, poking at each other, stomping one another, though they are further and further, faint, and disappear, in the fog that cleared the mountain.
At long last, after the twist and turn of his life, Nevaeh had found his Eden.
Eden who have been waiting in the corner.